weaponry required, URGENT

I nearly got killed TWICE on my usual 30km round trip to the shops today! Once by a stupid female who pulled out from a side road when I was only 25 meters away at 80 odd kph. Fortunately I was slowing down defensively anyway. The second was an idiot male in a flash mercedes sportscar who decided my signals and hand signal for turning right was meaningless and overtook me at well over 120 kph just as I started to turn ... I had forgotten how F*****G careless car drivers are. Anyway, seeing as how the chinese bike manufacturers are making nice knock-off bikes these days for the proletariat like me, I want to put in a request for matching knock-off weaponry. I think a .357 magnum would have done for the female driver and her little buzz-box car but the Merc would have needed an RPG (recoilless version) to take it out. I would suggest an after-market HUD targeting device and voice-command firing would save a lot of steering wobbles. Any other ideas? I am too old for the 'faster bike to catch'em and a length of lead pipe' solution that worked so well in my earlier riding days back in the UK.

Well you could always get one of those retina tracking helmets like they use in helicopters that are linked to auto-locking cannons under the nose.

In a case of bikes, I'm not sure where you'd put it and still hold all the ammo I mean... there would be added weight to think about. :icon10:

CC

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Originally Posted by CrazyCarl

Well you could always get one of those retina tracking helmets like they use in helicopters that are linked to auto-locking cannons under the nose.

In a case of bikes, I'm not sure where you'd put it and still hold all the ammo I mean... there would be added weight to think about. :icon10:

CC

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A paint-ball gun should do the job. Doesn't harm but scares the s..t out of such idiots :lol8::lol8: :gun_bandana::gun_bandana::gun_bandana:

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Originally Posted by chinabiker

A paint-ball gun should do the job. Doesn't harm but scares the s..t out of such idiots :lol8::lol8: :gun_bandana::gun_bandana::gun_bandana:

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Yeah but I WANT to harm them!
CC, I reckon some good thoughtful design could use the bars as a tube magazine for a small auto-cannon mounted central on the bars. I shall have to think about it!
When I was driving around the cities years ago I guess a dozen small incidents would happen a week, but on the roads I drive now you see a vehicle every two or three miles at most and these were two real close call in ten minutes, luck as much as anything stopped me being flattened, peripheral vision with the merc and anticipation with the other.
Many years ago I would ride alongside and accidentally scrape the finish off their pretty cars with my steel studded boots and give them a leer and hope they would stop and ask for trouble ... nowadays I just want to get home safely to my rocking-chair and hot milk.

totally agree its funny how you become invisible as soon as you cock your leg over the saddle,i have come to the conclusion is every bike must have a built in cloaking device

I am sure most riders have a story or two, and you are right about the klingon cloaking device (i have a kinlon lol), we disappear to motorists even with our flashing lights and hand-signals - i think they hate us subconsciously because we always leave 'em flat at the traffic lights and can weave through traffic jams.

Maybe if I got a Harley and colours they would suddenly 'see' me better ... my old bikey mates back in the UK would piss on me if they saw me today, on a 200 cc chinese dirt-bike with a red dayglo waistcoat and 3m tape ...

Strap paint ball guns to your bike, one aim at in front of your bike and one towards the back of the bike and wire the trigger to your horn. Make sure you aim at the wind shield

Jape, first try with this...

Attachment 1211

If it doesn't help, find those guys...

Attachment 1212

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Originally Posted by pennstlong

Strap paint ball guns to your bike, one aim at in front of your bike and one towards the back of the bike and wire the trigger to your horn. Make sure you aim at the wind shield

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That'll work better than you may think. The modern pball gun triggers are activated by electronic solenoids. Set up should be SUPER easy and you can software set the rate of fire to around 5-10 balls per second! Good way to screw someone's visiblity.... and it will only get worse if they try to wipe it off. :lol8:

CC

sometimes chinese roads are also more "battlefields" than streets!

btw: these gunmen on the tiny bike look somehow "special"

Well we are getting somewhere but not lethal enough, I want instant annihilation of any opponents. I have absolutely no moral compunction about this any more, kids in the car, pretty young females, brain surgeons, all must go until they get the message to be polite to me and not threaten my groovin' along on my chinabike. Mixing this thread up with the clothing one, milspec safety-armour body suits coupled with armanents is getting to where we need to be on the roads!

Thanks for the pics - funnily enough, my first interest in bikes as a kid was kindled by my father who was leader of an army bike display team in the UK back in the '50s, doing the same sort of demos and even jumping out of planes on them.

Foget annihilation, break some spark plugs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxNvcsbxhfE

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Originally Posted by jape

Well we are getting somewhere but not lethal enough, I want instant annihilation of any opponents. I have absolutely no moral compunction about this any more, kids in the car, pretty young females, brain surgeons, all must go until they get the message to be polite to me and not threaten my groovin' along on my chinabike.

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Don't want to believe it, but seems you are serious :eekers:
I hope they good doctors in your place Down Over the Cuckoo's Nest :rolleyes1:

Not Mad Max here yet mate! I would be in that micro-lite plane with bombs if it was!
If I were serious, I would be a lot quieter about it and there would be a mysterious bump in the statistics of missing vehicles around here.

What's wrong with carrying a box of eggs, one of those chucked at a windshield makes a nice mess, that forces the driver to stop as wiper blades just smear the egg further.

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Originally Posted by Sprocket

What's wrong with carrying a box of eggs, one of those chucked at a windshield makes a nice mess, that forces the driver to stop as wiper blades just smear the egg further.

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if there wasn't the fragility, it would be a wonderful weapon :lol8:

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Originally Posted by jape

....Any other ideas?

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Yep. Here's one...

Attachment 1223

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Originally Posted by chinabiker

if there wasn't the fragility, it would be a wonderful weapon :lol8:

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I saw a trail bike yesterday, with a curious modification cable tied to the handlebar on the clutch lever side of the bike, it consisted of a tennis ball, with a portion cut out, what it was for I have no idea, buy thought, yeah one can store an egg in there.

If memory serves me well, goose eggs are good, especially old, gone bad eggs, as they stink something horrible on splatter.

Any other ideas, yeah, follow the offender at a respectable distance and when they have left their car, look for a gap to the inside left open, and then inject a syringe full of earthworm oil into their upholstery. If no gaps are obvious, just squirt the stuff on something the driver is going to touch, like the door handle and lock.

I bet that tennis ball was to hold a mobile phone so the rider could text while riding ... my niece has had a bluetooth implant in her brain I think, she rides an Aprilia RSV4 happily through Melbourne daily but only because she has intercom, bluetooth music, voice dialling and all the fandangles so nothing interrupts her always connected mode of living.

Never heard of earthworm oil, will look it up! I am considering preemptive retaliation on Mercs. Just need some IR goggles so I can do the ninja bit next dark of the moon.

Earthworm oil, you will be lucky if you can find a recipe for that, but it might be found in an old compendium of countryman's dirty tricks, that amongst other things dirty to do to people who have offended you. Worm oil is just putrified earthworm and it stinks something horrid and is pervasive. I found how to make it by accident after forgetting to empty my fishing bait box after a trip out, only to open it in an enclosed space weeks later. I later learned of the trick from an old countryman, a gardner who was being bothered by his employer's hooray henry son and friends, noise and abuse resulted in convertible cars not quite being the same ever again.

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Originally Posted by Sprocket

What's wrong with carrying a box of eggs, one of those chucked at a windshield makes a nice mess, that forces the driver to stop as wiper blades just smear the egg further.

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When I was a kid, we used to leave the eggs out until it is rotten and then go "trick or treat" for halloween. :taz:

Leaves a nice reminder for them for next time.