China - Rules of the road

[chinabiker]

China's Rules of the Road (submitted by Gary Morgan)

Traveling on Chinese roads is an hallucinatory experience of movement, colour, sound and emotions. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable -- and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous. Most Chinese drivers observe a version of the Rules of the Road based on an Jiaguwen, or Oracle Bone Script.


ARTICLE I

The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.


ARTICLE II

Chinese traffic, like Chinese society, is structured on a strict caste system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to: ducks, chickens, official cars, heavy trucks, buses, camels, light trucks, sheep, jeeps, ox-carts, horses, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), fowl, handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs and, last of all, pedestrians.


ARTICLE III

All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This is the Chinese driver's mantra.


ARTICLE IV: Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet):

Cars (IV,1,a-c): Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, that is, in clearing dogs, auto-rickshaws and pedestrians from the intended path.

Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, that is, to an oncoming truck: "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die!" In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).

Single blast (casual) means: "I have seen someone out of China's 1.3 billion people whom I recognise" or "There is a bird in the road (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)" or "I have not blown my horn for several minutes.

"Trucks and buses (IV,2,a): All horn signals have the same meaning, viz: "I have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tonnes and have no intention of stopping, even if I could." This signal may be emphasised by the use of flashing headlights.

Article IV remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in Article II above.


ARTICLE V

For all manoeuvres, use of the horn and evasive action shall be left until the last possible moment.


ARTICLE VI

In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall wear Buddhist Mala bracelets (commonly referred to as 'power' beads). These bracelets should be kept securely fastened at all times. (See Articles I and X). Optional are wedding licence plate covers.


ARTICLE VII:

Rights of way (VII,1): Traffic entering a road from the right has priority. So has traffic from the left, and also traffic in the middle.

Lane discipline (VII,2): All Chinese traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of travel shall occupy the centre of the road.

Lane discipline (VII,3): In the unlikely event of jammed traffic, all usable lanes, such as emergency vehicle lanes, bus and bycyle lanes as well as sidewalks and lanes for oncoming traffic have to be occupied.


ARTICLE VIII

Roundabouts: China has no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression should be ignored.


ARTICLE IX

Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you. Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centres. No more than five centimetres should be allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing -- and no more than two point five centimetres clearance in the case of bicycles or pedestrians. To make eye contact with an 'opposing' driver is to concede the road.


ARTICLE X

Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.


ARTICLE XI

Reversing: no longer applicable since no vehicle in China seems to have a reverse gear.