China wives

[lightend]

sorry havnt been on here for a few days.
told my wife she could have 1,000rmb every 10 days. any more she needed to work. that wasnt met with much warmth, she negotiated i give her 3,000rmb per month and every 2 months i give her my whole pay packet. i refused.......
well, the result is tomorrow is the day she said she would leave us (me and my daughter),
she is now packing a bag. now im nerviouse and worried. im not sure i can take of work /9evenings and nights, and keep my daughter with someone.
its prob for the best she is leaving (if she actually leaves) but im worried as hell, i have no friends here in hanzhou and my chinese isnt good enought to hire an aye (I can only just order a food delivery thing).

[ShuBen]

then get a trustful female colleague involved to support your search for a Ayi.
Talk to your employer and explain the difficulty to prepare them for a day off to arrange things.
Play with open cards is the only thing that helps you.

[Zorge]

well, the result is tomorrow is the day she said she would leave us (me and my daughter)

Cushdy! The problem is solved by itself.

she is now packing a bag. now im nerviouse and worried. im not sure i can take of work /9evenings and nights, and keep my daughter with someone.

You're a man! Looks to me that you're so far has been the pillar of your home, but you were not aware of that. So stop whining, raise your head and solve the problem.

[lipsee]

Jeeeees I am going china in a weeks time intending to marry,,,and now this crops up,,,I have been dating this lady three years,,,,I have all the paperwork done,,,,My gut feeling is I have a good un,,,is there any special test I can perform on her,,,before I say "I do",,,,,

[Graham]

Hi lightend,

Not easy, but workable.

If she does decide to follow through and leave, then so be it.

What work do you do, may I ask?

1000 quai every 10 days is more than enough, you are already setting the bar far too high.
As the money seems to be for her own free spend, then 50 quai a day is more than enough.
It's not like she has to buy rent, food, and bus fares out of it.

Demands that she has made are never good.
OK, her leaving is going to impact you, for sure.

I guess with the lax way you have looked after money, she probably has a fair little nest egg stashed away.

If her living with you, as a sexy married couple, with a daughter means so little to her, that she is prepared to walk, well, there lies your answer.

If this is in her mind, you can be sure she has been mulling it over for a while now, and has plans of her own, which unfortunately do not include you or your daughter.

Sad it is, but there it is.

Your next move? I really don't know you and your daughter back to your home country where you have family to support you would be my way of advancement.


gRA.

[Graham]

Jeeeees I am going china in a weeks time intending to marry,,,and now this crops up,,,I have been dating this lady three years,,,,I have all the paperwork done,,,,My gut feeling is I have a good un,,,is there any special test I can perform on her,,,before I say "I do",,,,,

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There are good, OK, and difficult marriages.
I guess in a way, it depends on how ridged you both are to accepting each others family and customs.
Time will tel. Just "How Chinese is she", and how fixed are both of your ways.

Dating a Chinese girl is easy, but you will NEVER get to know her inner feelings and thoughts while just dating.
They are far too smart for that, no matter how many leading or searching questions you ask.

The only way you are going to break into that shell, is by both of you living together 24/7/12/365

Being together, joined at the hip from climbing out of bed together to back into bed together at the end of the day.
Both of you being together, "not working", but "really being together" tends to find how compatible you are.

If you survive that for 3 years or so, without raising voices at each other, without any finger pointing, then I say you stand a good chance after you are married to be together.


I met Fay, my Chinese wife around 4 years ago, and we were joined at the hip for 3 and a half years before we got married.

We both went through hell and high water, to be together.
I can't even mention things that happened to both of us on the forum here, but any way, the fact she never left me, and I never left her, absolutely convinces both of us that we are made for each other.

Here is hoping your forthcoming marriage will be a fantastic experience for both of you.

Gra.

[TexasAggie]

Jeeeees I am going china in a weeks time intending to marry,,,and now this crops up,,,I have been dating this lady three years,,,,I have all the paperwork done,,,,My gut feeling is I have a good un,,,is there any special test I can perform on her,,,before I say "I do",,,,,

Been married to my Chinese wife for 4 years. Together with her for 7. She is a gold standard and I am lucky she puts up with me. You can fail at marriage in any country. I know this from experience. My first wife (American) was a disaster. I was divorced for 16 years. I am very happy now and will readily suggest you to go with your own experience and heart. Judging all Chinese wives by one failed marriage is not a good way forward. There are many of us that have a great experience with a wife from a different culture. I also subscribe to the theory that one can always look in the mirror and see at least some responsibility and room for improvement. My 2 cents.

[kikikillercat]

[QUOTE=lightend;54438]sorry havnt been on here for a few days.
told my wife she could have 1,000rmb every 10 days. any more she needed to work. that wasnt met with much warmth, she negotiated i give her 3,000rmb per month and every 2 months i give her my whole pay packet. i refused.......

she sounds like a dissatisfied employee who is not being paid enough! so she quit!
when you start nego. the money.. then its already divorce time. that is what you do when you get divorce..you make a settlement.

i have a friend here who has been giving his wife all the money..and now she is leaving him...they have a five year old daughter...hmm is there a pattern here???

[kikikillercat]

Jeeeees I am going china in a weeks time intending to marry,,,and now this crops up,,,I have been dating this lady three years,,,,I have all the paperwork done,,,,My gut feeling is I have a good un,,,is there any special test I can perform on her,,,before I say "I do",,,,,

a work on this....I guess you really havent been dating this girl for three years..right? if she is in china and your not then...it is really how much time you spend together, not how many times the earth rotates. many people made good suggestions here.

everyone shows a little about themselves...almost like a warning...so later then can say " i told you" or " you know i like to drink"...
which brings up a big point...many chinese, both men and women like to gamble, and it is a big problem in china...not only do they blow the money, but , they are absent from the home because they do it most of the day or/and everyday..
Even responsible people who play this games,,get too involved. One friend his wife takes the child to school and then plays Marjon until it is time to pick up the child from school...(couldn't she be working during that time to earn money for the child)?

do your self, and your wallet, a favor....dont arrive in china marry her (like a hunter, found the game and now bag it and move on to the next thing you wanted completed) in a short time without spending considerable time with her.

On the other hand if you have no money then you have less to lose if she goes all wierd on you. If you take her to your country,,which i dont know which one, but in the states, if you bring a person into the country, you will be responsible financially so that the government doesnt have to pay for her if she leaves you.

if you dont have the time to hang around china because you have to return to your country then you dont have time to marry properly and you are shooting in the dark.
good luck

women are like the cars we like...we must ask ourselves why we are so excited to buy such an expensive car??? after all....it's only sheet metal!

[kikikillercat]

i would like to add a cultural note: In china if the girl has reached 30 and has not married it is considered 'Shameful'! they will quickly marry at any opportunity. Also, with Spring festival just passing now, unmarried girls push to have a boyfriend to take home for the holiday, or at least be able to say they have a boyfriend, because everyone will ask them "when are you getting married"?

Another cultural note...If the girl is not married around Spring Festival time, her Friends will give her money, even her Boss at work will give the unmarried female money!!
again....Shameful

so there is a strong push not to be single