thanks for the two comments so far. alas, my mother in law lives around 1,000km away in Anhui, so its not really possible to get her involved often (my wife goes and vists for a couple of months each year, thats when her mother tends to get dragged into our family issues, and she is never too pleased about it). my wife has a younger brother and sister and the mother in law is more concerned with getting her sister to marry someone local and her brother to get a job.

Im almost certain she does not have a secret bank account as she really does buy all sorts of crap all over the place.
like that wig costing around 700 rmb and all it does is sit on a shelf on the wall and gather dust. Chinese new year is always expensive (i spend around 1,000rmb on Christmas, she spends around 10,000rmb over new year.. new coats for everyone and hong bao's and giving her mother the odd 1k)

this Augest I will get my daughter into a kindergarten so my wife has no excuse for not getting a job and earning her own money. The financial issue is just 1 of the minor ones. the sexual part is the one of greatest concern to me (and possibly my health)

I have met a few single mothers but they almost always want some incentive (iphones, cash for rent etc) so nothing has come of any of them. I was considering heading to Malaysia for a year and taking my daughter on her British passport leaving my wife to sort her self out. I think that's probably out of the question though.
If thing do not improve then it will be back on the table.

I guess I will have to confront her again soon and get things sorted out, one way or another.
I love my daughter and dont want to loose her, so it kinda just feels like my wife is just a necessary evil at the moment.